20-year-old college student faces family backlash after she refuses to keep babysitting 18-month-old nephews: 'My sister and brother-in-law are currently unemployed'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 27, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

Most parents find that it takes a village to raise a child, not least in the hectic, work-obsessed age that we live in. It can sometimes seem nearly impossible to do the job of child-rearing alone, and that is where the help of others comes in. 

For many, the first people they turn to when it comes to extra childcare are their close family members. While many are happy to help, it can be a difficult balance to strike when it comes to enjoying their generosity. In most cases, even the most family-oriented of relatives will have their limits, and as parents, you also have to be aware of your own responsibilities to your kids. 

It's no wonder that many moms and dads get this wrong, and that babysitting becomes a common reason for family disagreements when people have children. This can be especially true when it comes to younger relatives, who are often wrongly assumed to be a full time childcare option.

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    via Brian Wangenheim

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • A college student recently found herself struggling with this after she put her foot down to her sister and brother-in-law. They, her 18-month-old nephews, their parents, and her brother all share a house, and since the young family moved in, she had become the go-to option for a babysitter alongside her brother.

    Despite her busy college schedule, this responsibility had only become more expected as time went on. She finally argued that it was unfair, and her family was not happy. She wanted to know if she was in the wrong.

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    foo
    via charlesdeluvio
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    AITAH for not changing my schedule in order to babysit my nephews?

    Recently, my (20f) sister (29f), her husband, and their twin sons (18 months) moved back home into the house we share with our parents and brother (25m). We also have one sister (28f) who moved out a few years ago. For context, I was not close whatsoever with my siblings growing up. Because of the relatively large age gap between me and them, those three excluded me from everything as a kid. We have never gotten along and I don't see myself keeping in touch with them once I move out of my parent
    via OkEvidence1119
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    I commute to college in order to save money for grad school and my parents let me live at home. I don't have to pay rent or anything but I choose to help with the gas and electricity bills. Back in August, my sister moved back with her family because she needed help with her kids. I completely understand her decision and even helped out with the kids when I had the chance during the fall semester. My schedule in college is packed and I prefer it that way. Now that the spring is in full swing, my
    via OkEvidence1119
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    When I argued with them about it, they pointed out how my brother always watches them. He works from home. Meanwhile, I commute to three different campuses depending on the class, work part-time in retail, am a teaching assistant, have a research assistant job in a lab, have an internship, and I'm in my last semester of undergrad. These things take up a majority of my time yet before I leave every morning, I'm the one who makes sure that the babies are fed and have clean diapers while my sister
    via OkEvidence1119
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    Everyone in my family is now furious at me because I won't change my schedule. It really angers me because for the longest time, they would always say how my parents should have stopped at three kids, how I was a waste of space, how they didn't want me around, and how I will always be an afterthought to them. One time my sister even said that I could di the next day and she wouldn't bat an eye. They've belittled me and made me feel inferior my entire life. I shouldn't have to rearrange my entire
    via OkEvidence1119
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    EDIT: my sister and BIL are currently unemployed. My parents cover all of their expenses but have explicitly told me they won't help with my tuition or any bills (phone, car, insurance - which I pay myself) if I stop working.
    via OkEvidence1119
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    Commenters were ready with their advice on the situation.

    Hellen Miller 2007 NTA. Your family isn't asking for "help," they're demanding free, full- time childcare while your sister and BIL sleep in until noon-which is beyond ridiculous. You are not a third parent. You are not a built-in babysitter. You are a full-time student with multiple jobs, responsibilities, and a future you're working hard for. And on top of all that, your family has never treated you well, so why should they suddenly expect you to drop everything for them now?
    via HellenMiller_2007
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    mca2021 Because "family helps family" God I hate that expression. OP should ask her parents if they'll give her money if she quits a job? If they say no, ask them if they'll help pay for tuition. If they say no, then let them know you can't help. Remind them that they are sister's kids, she should be the main caretaker of her own kids, Aren't either of the them working? Also, one piece of advice... DO NOT SHARE YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION WITH YOUR FAMILY WHEN YOU GRADUATE. By the sounds of them, t
    via mca2021
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    RebeccaMCullen Well, maybe it's time for OP to move out since the family expects her to be an unpaid nanny for her unemployed sister and BIL.
    via RebeccaMCullen
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    lustfulmelodyy Maybe you should start charging them an hourly rate-after all, if they want a full-time nanny, they should at least be prepared to pay for one!
    via lustfulmelodyy
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    lovelyyhelena Right. It's wild how they expect OP to sacrifice their own time, energy, and future for people who haven't even treated them well. Being family doesn't mean being a doormat. OP has every right to focus on their own life and not be guilt-tripped into unpaid, full-time childcare.
    via lovelyyhelena
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    ColdAnimal2587 NTA. Move out now. It seems reasonable that they might sabotage you frustrate your ability to leave the house, to do schoolwork- to ensure your continued and increased servitude. Don't find out, just move out. Saying "no" won't be effective if you stay in that house. Demanding compensation for babysitting only means you can babysit and they can demand you do it first free if you stay in that house. Exiting the building after removing all that is valuable to you is the only way.
    via ColdAnimal2587
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    Substantialgood4102 NTA. Quit taking care of them in the morning. Not your job, not your kids. You didn't make them they are not your responsibility. Start looking for a new place. I know it is cheaper living at home but at what cost to your goals and mental health?
    via Substantialgood4102
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    The_Bad_Agent NTA Not your kids, not your responsibility. Say no, firmly and clearly.
    via The_Bad_Agent
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    JTBlakein NYC NTA. If neither of the parents are working, why would they need you to watch their children?
    via JTBlakeinNYC
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    LolaSupreme 19 NTA. Your priority is school. Make it your focus and don't let some selfish unmotivated siblings derail you from your goals. If your family think it's okay for you to work, go to school, study, pay bills, pay tuition and commute while mom and dad sleep until noon, something is out of wack. Have a family meeting to air your grievances.
    via LolaSupreme19
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    icecreamp nis I commute to three different campuses depending on the class, work part-time in retail, am a teaching assistant, have a research assistant job in a lab, have an internship, and I'm in my last semester of undergrad. You forgot the most important thing on this massive list - you didn't give birth to any kids. Your sister and BIL need to stop acting like losers and parent their own kids. NTA.
    via icecreampnis
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    Right_Cucumber5775 NTA and best answer is absolutely not. You help in the morning, as you've been doing. But that's it. Your lazy unemployed sister and bil are the ones to step up. Complete the semester, graduate, and move on. Congrats on graduate school. Good luck!
    via Right_Cucumber5775
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    bluedreamer62 Please don't change your schedule, do your best to graduate and get away from 5he nut house. You will graduate and get a good job then they will saying we are family we deserve your money. Sorry stay strong and stay and stay in school.
    via bluedreamer62
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    redditsunspot NTA, time to stop doing this. How can they sleep in to noon? "yet before I leave every morning, I'm the one who makes sure that the babies are fed and have clean diapers while my sister and brother-in-law sleep in until noon."
    via redditsunspot
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    ZettaiGeek NTA - Your parents and family however are EXTREME AHs. Your parents have come out and specifically stated they would NOT help with any of your tuition or bills if you stopped working and they expect you to take care of the babies, which are NOT yours. Hmmm...family helps family and all that good they spout, then it comes time that THEY step up. They ARE the grandparents aren't they? Also, I would start banging on the parents door each and every morning you leave for college and yell a
    via ZettaiGeek
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    silent_reader2024 NTA. Tell the parents that since Sister and BIL are unemployed, they can watch their own kids. They made their life choices and you should be allowed to make yours.
    via silent_reader2024
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    Useful-Commission-76 NTA. OP is IN LAST SEMESTER OF UNDERGRAD with teaching and research assistant roles. If OP drops out of school now OP will probably lose the scholarship and may never finish her degree. It's not worth the risk.
    via Useful-Commission-76
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    CrabbiestAsp NTA. You should not have to put your life on hold or on slow-speed because your sister doesn't want to look after her own kids. They're not your kids, they're not your responsibility
    via CrabbiestAsp

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